Popsicles

He knows that I love eating all the "good" flavors of Popsicles before all the ones I consider gross. He knows that I consider a jar of baby dill pickles heaven on earth and he knows that the smallest thing can be sentimental to me and make me tear up. Kyle also knows the things that matter most about me, like my character. So when recently I had a falling out with a family member and cried for basically a day, he listened to what was on my heart, and he trusted me at my word. And when this family member emailed him to tear down my character, Kyle in reply, stood up for me and my character. There aren't even words to describe how I feel. To know that I can be open and honest with my husband, and know that he trusts me-is an amazing feeling. To know that we can have raw and candid discussions about anything-I'm quite grateful for it. And most people will be like, "Well isn't that what a Christian marriage is," and they are right. but when you've grown up your entire life with examples of relationships that AREN'T like that-it's pretty cool to be a part of one that is.
One of the things I love about our relationship is that we try to be honest with each other in all aspects-and that includes everything from calling one another out to sharing joyous moments together. And learning together with Christ is one of the biggest things we are working on together.
I read the book of Titus this morning, and when I mentioned it to Kyle he got excited as Titus has kept coming up in his reading too. There were many many interesting things I found in Titus, but wanted to share a few.
"To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good." Titus 1:15, 16. Paul's language here is very strong and very direct. And I pray as I continue in my walk with Christ, that I would not be "tempted" or "contaminated" by things that are not pure. Zondervan's Bible Commentary pointed this out as well. "J.N.D. Kelly makes the valuable observation that when modern people quote the apothegm, they usually take the word exclusively in the moral sense and deduce that the man who is himself pure need not fear contamination by anything impure. This is a dangerous half-truth, and far from Paul's meaning. From this point Paul proceeds in phrases of strong condemnation to describe those responsible for these heresies..." In the last two years I've been accused of being pregnant outside of marriage, of cheating on in class tests, being a hypocrite, judging people and being uptight. Having at least one person who honestly knows your true character as a Christian, it means the world. And it brings even more truth to Paul's writings-that we need to be as pure in Christ as possible. Because by all means possible, people around us will try to bring the name of Christ down. Paul continues in Titus talking about what must be taught and doing what is good. I specifically like Titus 2:11-14-"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say, "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age while we wait for the blessed hope-the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

Lord, help this to be my prayer today-that I might be like you. Love minded, but ready and willing to speak your truth-all of it, not just what people want to hear. To help them understand that you are a loving AND just God. Father, help me to forgive and move on. Help me to have a better prayer life, and to lift all burdens to you. Amen.

Parenting

All my life I've thought that your mom is supposed to be the one who stands by your side and supports you, no matter what. And your dad is the amazing man you measure every other man against. But when it comes to my parents, those wonderful perceptions seem to just be a whisper. Some days I just hope for them to be actual parents, and even then I realize I've hoped for too much. Instead of kind words from my mother when I'm feeling nostalgic, I get her divided attention, between me and who ever seems to be there at the time. I get smiles and laughter to my face and behind my back I get haughty words that tear down my character. Instead of guiding words of wisdom from my father, I get called names that wouldn't even seem appropriate for your worst enemy. I get looked at with eyes of hate and told that I'm "holier than thou." I know as Christians we are told that we are going to be hated...but it still doesn't stop it from hurting. Especially when it comes from your own parents. It's something I've cried over numerous times, prayed over and it still hurts. My whole life (especially as I've become an adult) I wonder what it would be like to have Christian parents, parents that love you and guide you spiritually. I have Jack and Donna, and people like the Penn's who have given me amazing advice and have been there for me, and Kyle's parents who are amazing as well...but it's different when it's your own parents.
My children are going to have Christian parents who care for them and love them, and who they can be proud of. My children aren't going to have to worry if their father is going to hurt them or if their mother will try to be like their 15 year old friend. Because Kyle and I will place God before everything and be parents to our children.
If you have Christian parents who love and support you-call them up today and let them know how much they mean to you. If your parents are like mine, rest assure I feel your pain and am lifting you up in prayer.

Lord, if it's your will, take this hurt from me. Thank you for the wonderful examples of Christian parenting I see around me, and Lord when I become a parent help me to remember your precepts and know you are King.

Commitment

As I reflect on my first year of marriage, the first and most prominent thing that is on my mind is that we loved each other enough to commit. As I look at peoples relationships today I'm saddened by how misunderstood love is. The ideas and perceptions people think it is, when really it's not. God created spouses so we would gain a better understanding of what the concept of love is. And not just sexual intimate love, but rather Agape, love for your fellow neighbor and the love you have for Christ. In the four years that I've known Kyle and the one we've been married, Kyle has shown me the love of Christ probably more than most people I have known my whole life. He builds me up, encourages me and is honest with me with I am being completely and utterly selfish. We've made a lot of mistakes, especially when we were dating, but I can honestly say that I don't regret marrying him. I've been able to tell him things about my past and he still loves and cares for me all the same and yet has pushed me to be better. I chose him because he paid attention. When he talked to me I was the only person in the room, and at the time that was a lot more than I could say for some people. When I cook him dinner he doesn't try to point out how I did it wrong, he's just thrilled if there's a cheesecake afterwards. He sees what is important to me and takes an interest. He lets me teach him things. He's patient with me, in all facets of life. And above all of this, his top priority is to show me Christ.
He's been everything from the guy who was willing to step down when I wasn't sure, to the one who held my hand as I cried when I was.
I have never in my life been in such a fulfilling relationship as I am now with my husband. And it's all because Christ is our foundation. Reflecting on relationships today...the ones who are living together and aren't married, the ones who are in adultery, the ones who are one-sided relationships(and so on), I think they are there because they haven't experienced the love of Christ through another human being. Because I honestly believe that if they had, they would understand. Christ has better things for you than "just living together!" Marriage is more than a warm body at night and more than a companion to talk to. Marriage is understanding that you are in it together no matter what, and knowing it's all for Christ. At least mine is♥♥♥

Tonight on my first anniversary to Kyle, I am thankful for a husband that has Christ first in his life, and actually cares that I do too.

Jonah, Jewels, Patience & Perseverance

I have a few things that I want to cover in this blog and the first one is jewels. I teach Children's Church every other Sunday and I've been working my way through a book that is about the Crown of Righteousness that we get when we get to heaven. There are jewels in that crown that stand for things such as compassion, adoration and so on. When I started doing this series with the children it reminded me of the song "Jewels," by William O. Cushing. My grandmother used to sing it to me when I have little. I called her the other day to tell her about the children and asked her if she remembered the song, she didn't. So I started singing the first stanza and she sang along with me (Probably one of the most beautiful moments I've shared with her and a very long time. I'm thankful for that) Afterwards she started chuckling and said, "yea now I remember, I must have sung it to you kids as part of a bible school project or something." Singing with her made me feel like a kid again. We always kept a hymn book in the car and we would sing hymns to and from church, and then she would always sing "God Loves the Little Children" in German. I'm very thankful "Jewels."
Which leads me to Jonah. I taught Children's Church last Sunday so I missed out on Dr. Weeter's sermon, and apparently it was about Jonah. I found this out later that night when Kyle and I were talking about where we were in life and how frustrating it was to still be here. What he had to say next kinda took me down a notch and made me realize that I'm not doing such a hot job of being a Christian to my husband. He said, "I know being here sucks, but you have really taken a distaste to it, and made sure everyone knows it. It's not that I don't like being here either, because it has been hard, but perhaps we're still here because God is trying to teach you something and you're not willing to see that."
So I decided to read through Jonah and saw alot of him in myself. Jonah 4:9-10, "But god said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die." But the Lord said, " You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?' I very much felt a parallel in that God is telling me that I don't don't see His hand here...and that's a problem. If I can't look past my own ignorance to see God's glory, how am I going to see the need in those around me? Or even how God could or would want to use me, or not use me? Zondervan's Bible Commentary kinda pointed this out too. In talking about the storm or "klydon," it says "This was not a purposeless demonstration of the Lord's power over the elements nor even just to smash inflexible Jonah, but to give him a sense of concern for the sailors and thus for the Ninevites."
In a sense I'm ashamed to have been so dense this long, but am astounded at God's hand at work. He knew that I needed something to love before I could love this place, that I needed to get this understanding. In the past few weeks God has put people in my life to care for and grow relationships with so that I may see His glory in this place. Thus enters the "patience and perseverance," it's been a long road and these two things make what God has for us that much better!!
So today I am thankful for Jewels/Grandma, Matthew, a beautiful little boy I get to take care of, Sara & Justin, an awesome couple who I know God has amazing plans for, my church family who has shown me a bigger side of His love than I could have every imagined and today I'm thankful for my husband who isn't afraid to be honest with me, thank you Kyle, I love you.

Dear Lord,
My prayer today is that you would continue to help me see you glory and love, and that you created this place. You knew before we existed that we would be at this place-Lord guide us as this builds our faith. Thankful for all your blessings and omnipresence. Amen

"I in my Savior am happy and blest,
watching and waiting, looking above,
filled with his goodness, lost in his love." -Blessed Assurance